00:05 I've been making this YouTube Channel... for a month now and I've been asking myself - Why am i doing this? Should I be doing this? Am i wasting my time? ...But some people have been watching, so i guess its worthwhile if somebody watches it. umm 00:38 i was thinking about like in a person's life - a life is short and um once you're gone you're quickly forgotten really so... does it matter if you make any impact on the world? make an impact on society? or doesn't it matter? or does it matter how many people's lives you affect? how many friends you make or whether you just kind of lock yourself away in solitude and don't speak to anybody. 01:40 and it used to be that we had two lives we had like um your private life and then your public life and the public life was really just you going out, meeting people in your local town or village or if you go away on a trip you just meet this small number of people who get to spend time with you but now there's like another larger public prescence which we call the internet and this allows me to basically have my own TV channel and that channel can reach a global audience like there maybe somebody watching this from another side of the world who comes from a totally different culture to the one I know. and it might be interesting to them to see this - my lifestyle compared to their's. I don't know - maybe it's not interesting at all? Cuz the thing is there's like, there's 8 billion people and I'm just like one of them. The chances that an individual is gonna have any significant impact on the masses, on the large amount of people, that you're gonna get noticed - it's very unlikely unless you're somebody who really that stands out for something that you've done something extraordinary that makes you stand out from the other 8 billion - you're just another face in the crowd. Yuo're just another number on the electoral role - registered - birth certificate, you know... and once you're gone its not that long before you're forgotten, I mean the peo... the only people who will remember me are people who met me and they might kind of vaguely remember 'oh yeah i remember that guy'. They might spare me a thought once in a while and does that matter? I'm not sure, but this question about does it matter? Does any of it matter - probably ultimately nothing really matters. But from our personal point of view you've got this short life to live and you have to decide how you're gonna live it. There's a lot of experiences out here to have in this world and it just seems like we should try and experience them. You know. Do some travelling, meet people. Just have experiences. I mean you could just, I could just sit in my room doing nothing and just waste my short life away and so many people these days are doing just that - you know - they're just wasting their lives away consuming TV shows and going to concerts and watching other people living their lives instead of actually living their own lives. It seems a bit sad to do that. 06:29 and then ... but im not somebody - im not a person who has regrets anymore because my philosophy is that we don't really have free will. Basically we react - you start off as this blank sheet, as a baby and then you're exposed to the environment, exposed to people, you have some good experiences, some bad experiences and then you kind of react to those, and that what shapes the person that you become and it shapes even the decisions that you make so I don't think that I actually get to decide what i do it's like determined, its like the same as physics, it's like if you have a glass of water and you turn it upside-down, you already know the water's gonna come flying out because of the laws of physics, so i think that when people do things its the same. We're just reacting in a very predictable way to what we are exposed to. Of course like, genetics plays a part in it. Like you have certain genetic pre-dispositions or whatever the word is. You're inclined to do certain things due to your genetic makeup. That does.... I think it's about 50% of what you do is down to that generic make up and the other 50% is down to things you're exposed to and your environment. But this idea that we decide to do things - I don't believe that anymore. So if you don't believe that you just decide to do things that it's more sort of forced upon you to do things, then this idea of having regrets, that 'Oh i should have done more' 'I should have done this.' 'I should have done that.' 'I shouldn't have done that' and regretting it - doesn't make any sense. but the way i look at it - i didn't have a choice but to do what I did. So it's absolutely pointless having a regret. You could argue that having regrets actually does serve a purpose and I can see that. You kind learn from your mistakes and that kind of thing. But kind of beating yourself up about something you did - I dont think it really helps particularly. I think we should try to not beat ourselves up and just try and focus on good things that you've achieved or done, and celebrate those. And try and stay positive. Cuz there's a lot of depression in the world, there's a lot of sad people, dissatisfied people who I think... people have expectations of how they want their life to be and then the reality doesn't live up their expectation. And then they spend their whole lives kind of... dissapointed. But probably that expectation they had was completely unrealistic. So I think the key to being not happy as such but just being content is to kind of let go of all those expectations. Yuo've just gotta let them go and just look at your life as kind of a journey, and you're just here kind of observing all of it playing out. Yeah. And understand that you're not really in control. So it's like, when I ask myself 'Why am i making this YouTube channel?' the answer is I don't have a choice. I'm making the YouTube channel. The reasons, there will be reasons for it. Probably quite complex reasons, maybe they're not complex, maybe im just reaching out. I think it's important to have a voice. I feel like i'd rather put stuff out there and have a voice and hopefully somebody, someone that I might care about might discover what ive put out there and it might be somehow useful to them. They might relate to something. Yeah, so i think that's preferable to not having a voice and just kind of keep your head down. So many people do that. They just kind of avoid attention at all costs. Because there is danger, if you draw attention to yourself you are exposing yourself to dangers. You basically become a target to other people, the more outspoken you are about your opinions. You see it on the internet. People are... will say certain things and it might ruin their life, they might say something in the heat of the moment without really thinking about it - make some statement and that's captured on the internet and never forgotten. But people change, people do change and they learn from their mistakes. I mean my opinions on things have changed so dramatically just in the last couple of years and my understanding of myself is so much greater in the last few years than it was. But it was just that I made a sort of concious effort to try to understand myself better. Try to understand what makes me tick and theres probably still a lot more for me to figure out, but I have a much better, much clearer understanding now and my life is moving on, I'm 50 and I haven't, haven't really made as much impact on the world as I would have liked to. But there's still time, I mean, you know I can still become the world famous Jaseman. You know recognised by millions and adored (Ha ha!). I think it's unlikely but you never know. But you've got to put yourself out there anyway and I think it's more important - just put yuorself out there. I mean, even if there is danger, even if there is risk, there's a saying that the most risky thing of all is to not take any risks. So... there's opportunities to make your life better and they are risky. But we have to take a chance and then even if something bad happens as a result - so what? You're gonna die anyway. And even if like, people come up to you and they're like annoyed at you and like 'Oh, I dont like what you said' 'I don't agree with you' 'I don't like you', like in the cosmic time scheme, none of it matters. Their opinion of you doesn't matter. Their life doesnt matter, your life doesnt matter. So I think we have to remind ourselves not to be so feaful of taking risks. Not be afraid to put yourself out there or allowing yourself to be open to scrutiny, and I think being honest and open is very important. You've just... a lot of people go through their life pretending to be something that they're not. And I think there's a lot to be said for just being yourself. Being brave enuogh to be yourself and allow yourself to be open to scrutiny and it might be dificult. You know, you might get upset. Somebody might say... everyone gets upset. If a lot of people say nasty things to you - yeah it's gonna affect you. But that's part of the learning process. Learning how to deal with negative criticisms. And there's all sorts of reasons why people might not be freindly. Cuz the World is competititive. So there's a lot of people who want to see you fail. And there are people who take pleasure in seeing your weaknesses or they feel powerful in stopping you from thriving. Its... and there's reasons for that, and there's no point to hate those people because they're probably very damaged themselves. Cuz there's reasons why they're behaving like that. 19:19 I'm rabbling on here but I'm just gonna say what's on my mind - whatever it maybe and I can edit it later. Any parts which I think are valuable - ok so. 19:41 Regarding my YouTube channel, I know that there's like, there are secrets to becoming a very successful YouTuber. Like the thumbnail is important, the title of the video is important, the length of the video is important. Whether you have a long intro at the beginning which might - people might get bored. Um and you have to keep people engaged. And there's kind of tricks to keeping people engaged - basically not being boring - rabbling on - exactly like I am doing now. So, there is an art to being a YouTuber. And a lot of YouTubers, they end up kind of changing themselves, or changing direction from what they actually want to do in order to grow their audience. So they're basically compromising themself for the sake of growing their audience and I'm probably doing that myself to some degree. Like I noticed, because I speak slowly, I actually like the speeded up version of myself. Because it's annoying even to me to hear myself speaking very slow like I do. So I will be speeding this video up. I mean I've recorded way more than 10 minutes. So it's gonna be - need to be speeded up in order to fit everything in - all the points I'm making. There's gonna be a lot of cuts in this video. you might be wondering where i am on the top of a huge mound near pandy quite an impressive view from here i'm quite high up i've got the forward facing camera on so apologies if i wasnt so in terms of the content of my youtube hopefully i will get better at it i havent really been put off from making them making them ready quite a lot of time but i haven't been put off yet there is value in making these videos im going to keep making them i notived my viewing numbers are increasing related to the content and the topic most of the videos ive done are lego related because thats kind of my main hobby and a lot of people are interested in lego just about lego i should probably do more non lego related videos yeah i will be doing that i could probably make a lot more videos bang out a video everyday if i wanted to i wouldnt have time to think about whats gonna be in that video the quality its not going to be as interesting so basically your watching the best highlights and they've edited out all the boring stuff some people's lives only seeing the highlights as i say and i'll be doing exactly the same with this video editing out all the boring stuff the weather has actually picked up today its sunny for a change but its been so wet had a cold for a while made me tired and wheasy willingness to be creative is suffering apologies for that more content um but also i think this is making the youtube videos it's new for me if i keep doing it it will become more like a habbit routine okay lets bang out another video i need to get into that routine feels a bit daunting whats it going to be abuot is it going to be terrible? pda kicking again pathalogical demand avoidance is the actual term knowing that ive got that has really helped me when it kicks in knowing just knowing that what it is helps me to overcome it hard to understand i think for a lot of my life i kind of knew i was different most people are going through the same thats not the case especially for someone with autism life is so much easier and so much different doesnt have to worry about but its not i dont wanna kind of come across as a victim here cuz its part of who i am and im not ashamed of that its not a bad thing its just different and people that are autistic have certain abilities and talents its a curse and a gift at the same time knowing that i have autism its not lke a really terrible thing im actually glad that i know abuot it because i think undersatnding yuoerself is important a lot of peoples views is very wrong very off from reality and i think a lot of the things that society teaches us from our childhood is very wrong as well a lot of people this is how it is grandparents ive always been sceptical of what people tell me nothing wrong with that its good to have health scepticism try not to be influenced too much by what other people tell you is true and try to have an unbiased view of things all our decisions is determined by our enviroment and by the people contentment strangely im just along for the ride here im not in control try and enjoy the ride and don't worry i worry abuot things way too much im definately a worrier i need to try and stop worrying abuot thigns people have told me i am brave i mean i went to russia and got married to a russian a lot of people wouildn't have done that the same with making this youtube channel it oes require bravery exposing yourself to the world all your flaws mistakes put it out there and hope people like what youve done if they dnot like it they dont like it hopefully said enough to fill my next video its probably enough for now im thinking about future content life stories that i can share with you that you might find interesting or not in the past and some of them will just be my general thoughts things i'm questioning at the moment when yuo watch youtube please life and subscribe im not the sort of person thats it's just not me apparently if yuo say like and subscribe people are more likely do it and i do want to grow the channel the better yeah so i basically have to kind of sell myself sell this channel and im not im certainly far from expert at that least person likely to succeed as a youtuber im gonna give it a try almost no views but they still make them i think thats good its better to have a voice put your voice out there dissapear silently and be forgotten like so many people are peoples short lives thousands of people before the internet they didnt have the opportunity to meet people from all over the world the technology most of my friends are spread all over the world america germany hong kong i probably wouldnt be maried if it wasnt for the internet so for me like technology is what is something really posistive something which excites me at the moment we're living in an early stage of human civilization right now are the early days a thousand years in the future people will look at us primitive backward people how to treat people kindly make sure people get what they need to reduce the amuont of suffering struggling to survive but i think in the future i hope there will be less suffering more organised systems in place forgotten about and people people should be allowed to become the greatest version of themselves because people have unbelievable potential given the right circumstances is caple of achieving.... 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